I was wrong. I’m sorry. I don’t know. I need help.
Fans of author Louise Penny will recognize these as the four statements that lead to wisdom, according to Chief Inspector Armand Gamache of the Sûrité du Québec. They appear in most if not all books in the series, which is set in the lovely village of Three Pines. The statements are usually delivered at some point to a new recruit to the team.
I hadn’t read the Gamache series until I retired almost a year ago, and I needed something to distract me and help me sink into my new reality. Being a fan of mysteries, I picked up the first one and before I knew it I had plowed through all 18.
After each one I said “I will give myself a break …”. But I never did. I was hopelessly hooked. I actually learned a lot about Québec in the process. I loved the characters and their development over the course of the series. I found myself wanting to live in Three Pines. I wanted to walk to the café every morning and have coffee and croissants with the locals. And then go and browse in Myrna’s book shop.
I was reminded of Gamache’s four statements (which, we learn in one of the books, he was told by an old fisherman), when they flashed across social media a few weeks ago and I remember thinking … “imagine if politicians took that wisdom to heart.”
Imagine! I was wrong? I’m sorry? I need help?
Perhaps “I don’t know” might be a stretch for a politician (is that like “concepts of a plan”?) … but in my experience, “I don’t know” can lead to possibility and collective learning.
I can’t tell you how many times I have said “I don’t know the answer to that question” in a bible study. Actually, that’s one of the indicators that helps me to know that the session has been a success. If folks are asking questions beyond the scope of what I have prepared, or my own knowledge (which is admittedly limited, especially around biblical issues) I consider that a sign of curiosity and interest. I have done my job. I don’t consider myself a failure (well, perhaps I do for a nano-second) … but I see it as a growing edge … a question that the whole group may want to pursue.
I am acutely aware of these four statements when it comes to educating myself about systemic racism and acknowledging my own white privilege. In August I told the story in worship about my experience at a workshop I was once leading when I said something about Canadians being typically nice. One participant, an African Canadian, challenged me. “Actually, that’s not been my experience,” she said, “I don’t think Canadians are very nice.”
I was silent for a minute, and then felt kind of ashamed, and then fought back a feeling of anger and a knee jerk defensive remark. I managed to say “I’m sorry. Can you tell me more about your experience?” And she did. And it was very hard to hear, because her experience growing up in Canada as a black woman was very different than mine. And she hadn’t experienced Canadians as being stereotypically nice.
In that one incident, I learned how important it is to say
I don’t know … your experience
I need help … understanding … and then …
I’m sorry ...
I was wrong. Canadians aren’t always nice. I continue to learn from that very humbling and extremely uncomfortable moment.
What do you think about these four statements that Inspector Gamache (and the old fisherman) said “lead to wisdom”? Stating them requires a certain vulnerability and humility. Sometimes the situation is forced upon us and we have no choice … for example a health scare for ourselves or a loved one, or when we first become parents, or a work situation presents itself. Sometimes it’s travelling to another culture.
When in your life have you made these statements and realized that they led to wisdom?